Dumber N Dumber: Sunagakure Edition (Open)

It was a typical day in Sunagakure: the sun was shining, the sand was shifting, and the people of the village were hustling and bustling. There were wives and mothers shopping at the local grocery, men hard at work building something new in the shopping district, kids playing ball together at recess at the academy...and speaking of the academy, while some kids were off kicking a ball or running after each other in some variation of tag, those training to be the talented warriors known as shinobi that are dedicated to protected the populace at large were still in class. This young men and women were hard at work, eager to learn and master powerful techniques and complex strategies, all in the name of serving the public and protecting those who cannot protect themselves.

...and then there was Kona

...asleep at her desk in the middle of class

To be fair, this was also part of a typical day in Sunagakure, but it wasn't necessarily a good thing that it was so typical. It also wasn't REALLY Kona's fault, as very few know about her life outside the academy and what kind of a toll it takes on her. Add in the fact that she had heard most of what was being said before WAY more than once, as this wasn't her first rodeo in the ninja academy by any means, and you have a recipe for the wood that composes one's desk to appear seemingly as comfortable as a feather-filled pillow. This particular day was a bit different...in the sense that it was her book on her desk that was making a really good headrest rather than the desk itself. Fortunately for the book, her drool was going down the spine instead of onto any pages, as it had never been opened in the first place.

Kona herself was deep in dream, and it was a rather enjoyable one: some group of rogue shinobi had come and threatened to burn down the village and no one could stop them, not even the Kazekage. Just as all the people thought it was hopeless and were saying their goodbyes, in comes Kona down from the sky and landing right in front of the Kazekage, a spark in her eye and shine on her full-bared grin as her scarf blows in the wind. She looks back at all of the people of her village with that same grin, and they all smile and shout out to her. They all call out her name with the confidence that she will save them.

"Don't worry guys, I got this, no problem!" she shouts out to them triumphantly, flexing one arm and slapping her flexed bicep with the other. This causes the citizens to cheer loudly for her, and as they cheer for her she turns around and scowls at the rogue group.

"You DARE threaten the safety of MY village?! Of MY friends? That was your first mistake: your second was not retreating while you had the chance!" Her words echo across the grains of sand and instill fear into the hearts of her enemies, but it is too late for them, as within mere seconds she downs the lot of them with her blazing speed and incredible techniques. She stands tall amongst her fallen enemies, and the cheers behind her roar ever louder as she turns around and gives them the all clear with a thumbs up. They all clamor about her as the sun hits her back.

She becomes one of the most honored members of Sunagakure, and they even make a statue of her likeness in her honor. She gets s shop made just for her, and they give her free cinnamon buns for life. All the Kage respect her for her greatness, and academy students across the world learn about her for years to come.

"...mmmmnomnomnom...nonoyou'retookind...ofcourseillhaveanotherstickycinnamonbun
...iloveallofyou...thankyou...thankyou..." she looked astonishingly stupid as she mumbled, even half-waving one of her hands to the non-existent adoring public while drooling even more over the book she should have been reading.

Jei was lazy, sure. He never slept, because according to the person who keeps him around, 'Sleeping in class is bad' but Jei wasn't sure why. Jei figured class an okay sleep place, but since the big boss said that it was bad, it was not to do. He saw a girl, within arms reach, that was sleeping.

This set alight Jei's brain, one could almost see the smoke coming out. It was the effort to try to figure out how to wake the smol person without worrying, or bothering the professor. He even did the hand on chin thing, for he heard it worked really well. It didn't, but the placebo on someone like Jei is impressively strong. He sat, at least three moments passing as he stared at the smaller red-headed academy student. It was really hard to figure out. On one hand, he might break them if he pokes them to get them awake, and if he smacks the desk next to her she might still get hurt, or worse, the desk breaks.

Not to mention, she might yell at Jei. Jei no like yelling. Jei knew very little, but he knew people didn't like being woken up. It was then when Jei had the idea to eat to speed up his thinking.

Jei would dig into his shirt, that he was wearing for once, and brought out some candy. He then threw the candy in his mouth and continued to staring. He had to figure this out. It was the hardest question this year, mainly since he wasn't asked many questions. He was known as an idiot, and thus the teacher typically thought it useless to do so. The teacher was not wrong, for Jei did not know much. However, what did he know?

He knew that candy was good, and that smol things needed to learn. Thereby, no sleep for smol things. big things can sleep though, because they were strong. Small things need brain power to beat big people. That's why he knew how to do this. He'd move his hand over the sleeping red-head, and pick her up, shake her slightly, and place her back down. Though this got the attention of everyone, Jei had a really good retort from that.

"justhelpsmol."

Jei's words of wisdom fell on deaf ears, as the teacher didn't care. He had come to expect stupidity out of Jei, and sleeping out of Kona. Sure, what Jei did was a slight surprise. It probably made his life slightly harder, as Kona was probably going to cause some problems. But, none the less, he let it go.

He was also behind on lessons, so that was even worse for him.

Even with all of that, this likely only kept the attention of everyone for a few seconds, pending the small girls reaction. If she got violent, which Jei wasn't sure would happen. Mainly because he was just helping smol red haired girl, instead of actually trying to harm her.

As previously mentioned, Kona was in a deep, DEEP slumber. It may not have been the deepest sleep one can get, as one does not dream in that state, but if one were to scale her unconsciousness on a scale of one to ten, it would be a solid seven. This would explain the lack of response when she was in fact picked up by essentially the back of her neck like some sort of young animal...well, to say there was no response wasn't quite accurate...

There was in fact a response, but it was merely another slight hand-waving to the lavishing adoration she was receiving in her own brain meat, but she was soon jostled out of her wonderful state of mind as she was being shaken by an outside force while hanging in the open air like she was laundry hung out to dry on the line.

This brought her down to a solid three on the sleepiness chart, as she slowly opened and blinked her eyes a couple times. She strained to clear her blurry vision, as her eyes slowly moved about to taken in her surroundings.

"...mmmm, no Lady Fujimoto, one statue is enough...wait, when did I get so tall-" and before Kona could try to figure out how she had gained so much height so suddenly, she was placed back into her chair as if she was previously hovering and gracefully descended back into he previous resting place.

Well, it wasn't really all that graceful, not in the slightest. Quite the opposite really, and the sudden swift impact and the lack of time to brace herself ended up with Kona's nose in her book...and not in the nerdy kind of way, but more of the flooding your face with pain kind of way.

"OWW~! What the HELL?!" she exclaimed as her hand covered her nose to prevent it from further assault. She then looked around and was met with nothing but the laughing faces of her peers, who thought that this was possibly the funniest thing that had happened this day.

Kona was not laughing, however, and her anger flushed her face in a way that made it attempt to compete with her hair. It was a losing battle.

"Alright, real cute, REAL cute. Now, who the HELL did that just now?! The sooner you fess up, the sooner I can beat your ass back down and settle things."

Jei did wake the small child. That's good. It means his plan worked, but then people were yelling. This was not good. That was not the intention. The intention was to only wake smol red-haired ninja.

"Iwokeyou. you sleep, sleep bad."

Jei was a brilliant scientist. He managed to figure out exactly how to wake Kona with relative ease. Although, that was probably not worth the yelling from Kona. However, Jei was only smart enough to do the small amount he knew how to do, and that was being honest. He never saw a particular reason to lie. He was too stupid to craft a coherent one, and not to mention, he was told it was bad. That meant he wasn't allowed to do it.

This also meant that in times where he was supposed to lie, like any other child would, he didn't. A prime example was what just transpired between him and the smaller, red-haired child. He hadn't the thought to lie for a second, for what he did was fine and just. Well, just maybe not. Just was an odd word to use for Jei, as he never did things with that concept in his head. He only did things because they thought they might help.

"doyouwantcandy?"

Things got rather quiet after she had threatened to beat up whoever pulled that trick on her and despite the fact that it had been at least a minute or so since she exclaimed her intents and no one had admitted to their crime, Kona was sure it wouldn't be much longer.

As Kona waited for someone to pipe up about what they did to her nose, she gingerly touched it with her hands. Nothing seemed broken, and she wasn't bleeding from it. Both of these things were good to know and meant that once the pain left her nose there wouldn't be anything major for her to worry about.

It was shortly after her self check-up that the culprit announced themselves. Kona turned to the voice of the guilty soul and was met with...well, someone who was interesting to say the very least...not even interesting really, more just...she couldn't even put a word to it.

The confession came from a boy with ugly purple hair and a long, dumb-looking face who spoke as if he had some sort of mental disability. Surely it was either a speech imped...imped...he talked funny because something was wrong with him, clearly. He reminded her that one special kid at the orphanage who never talked to anyone and drooled all the time.

"How stupid are you to think sleep is bad for you? Anyway, I hope you are ready for what comes..."

Did he...did he seriously just offer her candy just now? He can't be that much of an idiot, can he? Nah, there's no way he's that dumb. He's gotta be mocking me. Yeah, that's it, mocking my strength...MOCKING MY STRENGTH?!

"Oh HO! A wise guy, eh? Well listen here you lanky-ass purple-headed weirdo: I'm Kona, and I'm going to be the World's Greatest Kunoichi someday, and through taijutsu alone. Being stuck in this boring class is temporary, and it's only a stepping stone for me...and let me tell you one more thing!" Kona then hopped onto the boy's desk with a bit of force to make it shake, and then pointed directly in his face.

"You are also just a stepping stone for me to achieve my greatness. Let me show you what you do to stepping stones!"

This was the defining moment in history when Kona decided to plant her right foot into the strange boy's forehead, forsaking any thoughts about how bad it might be to attack someone bigger than you or the fact that a whole class of students and a teacher besides were directly behind her and highly likely to be onlooking the situation. This was that moment, for better or worse.

She seemed to get real angry when he admitted to this crime. Then she called him dumb, but then called him wise? She seemed real angry. Jei was entirely unsure why. Not to mention, she denied his candy. That's weird. Why wouldn't she take candy and be fine? That always worked for Jei. Jei was a good man for candy. The small girl gave no candy. That's not good. That almost angered Jei, but then he plopped candy in mouth. Then to the matter of smol girl with foot on head. That was not a good, so he figured best way to stop would be to deal with.

Jei's arm would slowly move and touch the top of her head, then grip it. He'd then ascend, growing to his full 6'10 height while holding the child in his right hand. He made sure to hold her at full length. He'd then walk and throw Kona into a seat behind them. Lightly so she didn't get hurt, and then sit back down. Jei would look at the teacher and smile like a goon.

Jei knew that he did a bad, but didn't think he'd injure anyone. He was sure those behind him had moved, but had not actually checked.

The teacher, however, was fuming.

Now if Kona was a bit on the brighter side and just a smidge less cocky and eager to prove herself and accept just about any challenge, she may have realized the intense gravity of the situation...or at the very least, what gravity was about to do to her. If she had been so keen though, she wouldn't be Kona, so this was nothing but a wishful thought.

Now when the strange, lanky purple-headed kid began standing up straight...well, was he even really a kid? He was more of a giant, and while Kona didn't notice this right away, it was an unavoidable fact. She was too busy trying to get the giant hand of this weirdo off her head.

"H-Hey, put me down you freak! Put me down and fight me like a real man! Don't think I won't kick your ass, cuz I will!" she shouted at him rather aggressively while throwing punches and kicks that hit nothing but air. It was shortly after this that her gaze rose to meet his.

"Come on, fight me like...whoa...you are, like, REALLY tall..." It was shortly after this soaring discovery that she found herself released from his grip.

"That what I thou-" her badgering response was cut off as she landed into another seat with a bit of an oomph, and just about as quickly as she shook off the stun she realized that his grip on her had only released because he had thrown her...WITH ONE HAND!

"OhohoHO! I hope you don't think you could do be in that easily, though I guess I have to admit that throwing me like that is something I haven't experienced before. Not bad, even if it was only because you are some mutant freak. Now it's time to finish this easy fight. EAT THIS!" Kona shouted out her battle cry, and shortly after kicked this big beluga in the side of his neck. A sure-fire knock, she was convinced, while still oblivious of the onlooking classmates and the teacher who was getting more enraged by he moment.

Jei was notable for his lack of smarts typically. But, when she was kicking the air, he felt it was kinda amusing. He was surprised that she didn't latch onto his arm. That's what others did. It didn't work for them, but still. That's the reaction he had come to expect from the people he was about to throw.

Now, when she made the realization that he was so much taller than her; Jei got real confused. Of course, he was taller. That was totally obvious from his sitting position because her head was not as high as his. Jei, once he released her from his grip, then sorta tilted his head, because he was really confused about how smol girl didn't know about that.

Now, if he had to admit one thing, he didn't expect the kick to the neck. There was also something else that he didn't expect, something he was woefully unprepared for. What the teacher would then yell.

"KONA AND JEI; GO SIT OUTSIDE!"

Jei got up, rubbing his neck. He'd make, for once, no effort to grab smol girl. Who's name was apparently Kona? or something like that. Jei wasn't entirely sure. She wasn't candy, so Jei hadn't taken the time to memorize the name of the small girl. He'd start walking out, not slouching for once. Sure, he was lazy, but he'd be lazy once he got out of the classroom.

Speaking of, when he got out of the classroom, his back hit the wall nearby and let his legs down to his full length. Which, due to his height, was long and made for something easy to trip over. This made Jei a literal walking hazard to the zero people currently in the hallway. This was a good thing, as if there were, Jei probably wouldn't have noticed.

Jei's not very perceptive. Jei, as far as he's concerned, is often the only one around. Well, Jei and candy. Those are the two things he considered very important. Also on this list, man who keeps his home. All very important, as if they weren't, he'd never pay attention to them.

Now Kona was sure that she could get this big ugly lug of a boy to give up. She'd taken down guys bigger than her before, although never quite this much bigger. Still, she was completely confident in her skill and strength...which was rather unfortunate for her, as she was doubly disgraced: not only did the teacher get upset and send them to sit outside, which of course prompted all her other classmates to reply with 'ooooh' and 'you're in so much trouble', but more importantly this giant jerk seemed unfazed.

"Pfft, whatever...' Kona muttered a bit on the louder side, which she followed up with a heavy sigh as she shoved her hands into her pockets and slowly walked off towards that door that led to the hallway.

Welp, this is some trash. Not only was I late AGAIN, but I also fell asleep in class...AGAIN! Now teach is angry at me yet again, but now because of some random loser who's as big as a damn house, those loser kids in my class won't respect me anymore either. I didn't even get to have breakfast today...jeez, today is as garbage as it gets. Kona was lost in her thoughts about her day and how it just kept going more and more down hill. She did have one thing to solace, however.

Boy, I can't wait until I see that tall-ass giant mutant freak! I'll make sure to clobber him so bad, he'll shrink by three whole feet! Yeah, I'll show him, and then these kids will go back to respecting me again. Hell yeah! Now all I have to do is- her thoughts were cut short as her face hit the tile floor of the school hallway.

"Tsss tsss tsss, ow..." she grumbled to herself as she rubbed her nose, which had just barely began to recover from it's original impact back in the classroom. She quickly and gingerly checked it once again, and it still seemed alright, just flooded with pain yet again. As she stood up, she turned to see what she tripped over, and that's when she saw just who was looking for...and her temper flared up again.

"...YOU AGAIN?! Grr, what do you get off of making me look bad? I'm SO gonna kick your giant ass. I'm gonna kick it so bad, you won't be able to sit right for a week! I hope you're ready for this, because you asked for it-"

~GRAAAUHH

Kona's hands immediately went from a fighting stance to being placed atop her stomach. She felt weak suddenly, but it actually made sense: it was close to lunch time, and she had missed breakfast, so of course she'd be hungry.

Jei dug into one of his various pockets when he saw small kona put her hands on top of her stomach, and pulled out yet another piece of candy, putting it out to her in the palm of his hand. He didn't mean this as a measure of condescension. It was just the easiest manner of giving her the candy. This was why Jei was rather innocent, all things considered. He just wanted some candy and a fun time, maybe with a bit of nap. Just not in the middle of class. Middle of class naps were bad. This was the bad thing, though. He was the sort of fellow to nap.

Now, he wasn't napping at that moment, he was just holding out candy to the small girl. He just wanted to give candy to her just so that he could make her lunch time. It wasn’t much of a lunch, admittedly, but it’s all the tall boy had. That also meant, quite simply, that Jei was trying to make this a reaching out of trust, instead of anything else.

He honestly held no ill will towards the girl that seems to hold ill will towards him. He couldn’t understand why. He had just moved her away from his face, and that was a fair thing in his head? But nonetheless, he was the point of ire of the smaller girl. He never understood why. What was the point in getting so angry ever? It took too much energy. It took too much energy for a lackluster return.

You get hungry when angry. He was always hungry. He’d starve if he got angry, not to mention that if he got too hungry he’d just go home. Go home and eat, because that was what Jei was the best at. Going home, also to the candy store. That was the list of places in Jei’s brain that he cared to remember. He just sorta, walks around until he hits the academy usually, which is a sign to see.

This doesn’t mean that Jei didn’t have reasoning skills, so much as he didn’t ever use them. Under that lazy and stupid facade, lay a reasonably smart fellow. Not too smart, but still enough to be a right proper ninja and make good choices. That Jei was not out at the moment. The Jei that was out was the one who was really confused.

But, the candy bridge was offered. He hoped she wouldn’t decline. If she did, he’d be sad. Candy was to mend all bridges. Any dispute to be solved by candy, would be solved forever. Just like Jei’s hunger.

If one were to ask Kona at that very moment what she wanted most, the answer would have been rather simple and straightforward...perhaps even obvious to anyone who had even remotely seen the debacle that had gone on in the classroom: she wanted to beat this guy down for making fun of her...but that really wasn't the WHOLE truth.

See, Kona may have been labeled as a horrible kid with a mean streak a mile wide, but that was only because she felt liek she had to prove herself against nearly every living soul, and most of her life tale held proof to back up this lifestyle and attitude. She was constantly trying to better herself, constantly trying to take down the biggest guy in the room, fighting anyone who even challenged her in the slightest...no matter if it was a fistfight, race, test of endurance, eating competition; she would do her absolute best to win, and honestly it didn't always work out well.

Sure, she had more success than not, but she didn't always win. In fact, there were a lot of losses, but she always bettered herself and came back stronger to blow them away on the return challenge. She had garnered a lot of respect with her peers...passive respect, as it's not like she had many friends, but most of the kids knew better than to mess with her. Now with most of those kids gone, all she got was laughs and talking behind her back, and it really pissed her off.

Then, in comes the biggest freak of nature she'd ever seen, and he makes fun of her too? She couldn't have that, and she wouldn't. This was her new chance, and possibly her final one: if she could take this guy down, she wouldn't be the laughing stock of the academy anymore. No longer the sleepy, red-domed class clown of Sunakagure; no, she would be respected by everyone again. Hell, maybe she could even graduate based off such a feat. Surely no one that she could win, and this would be proving herself. All the blood and sweat, all the effort and struggle, finally beginning to pay off.

And yet here is this asshole, this purple-haired, scruffy, homeless-looking bastard offering her candy. What did he want out of this? Humiliation? He'd already gotten that in class. Demoralizing her further? Was he going to just pull back his hand in some sort of twisted joke, having never planned to give her that candy in the first place? Or...was he honestly just not that bright, and wasn't understanding the situation he had put them in?

Kona really didn't want to grab the candy, but considering that she hadn't scrounged any money, it was likely the only thing she would get until she rounded up some supper for herself. She also hadn't eaten properly that past two days, and with her body she knew that if she didn't at least have something small she was likely to fall ill. For a moment she felt like she rather fall ill than take anything from this loser, but she quickly backpedaled on that train of thought: she couldn't train or fight this guy if she was ill.

Kona had been staring at the giant mass of a boy ever since he out stretched his hand, and she continued to do so for a few moments longer before slowly inching herself towards him.

One inch.

Two inches.

Three inches...

*YOINK*

She quickly covered the remainder of the gap between them and swiped the piece of semi-delectable appearing candy off the palm of his hand so fast, you might not have thought it ever was there in the first place. She then quickly distanced herself to the other side of the hallway before looking at the giant freak again. She then popped the candy into her mouth.

It was some form of hard candy, and the flavor...Strawberry. Heh, not bad. It may not have been her favorite, but it was easily one of the better flavors out there. It could have been banana after all, not that Kona was really all that picky about her sweets. For her, anything sugary was good, although she did play favorites. She'd have to find a vendor or shop or something that sold these things to see what flavors they had. She stood there enjoying her candy for a minute before she turned to face the giant once again.

"Look, I don't know what your goal is here. I really don't get what you're doing, and I really don't care." There was the sudden sound of a gong ringing throughout the hallway, and it wouldn't be long before the students clamored out of their desks and class rooms to go have lunch.

"Whatever the reason you gave me this candy...it doesn't change anything between us. I will take you down and teach you to respect me, teach them all to respect me. So...watch your back and be on your guard...not that it will help because I'll beat you anyway, but I figured I'd give you a friendly warning. Later weirdo." Kona pulled down her bottom eyelid and stuck her tongue out at the giant before shoving her hands into her hoodie pockets and turning around as she prepared to fade into the crowd of ravenous students.

He didn't really get it. Well, that wasn't a new thing, but he didn't get why small girl was so jumpy. He had kept his hand out just to give her candy, there was no secondary objective here. This goal was not what he had in mind, he just wanted to mend the relationship between the two. However, with her look and such, it didn't seem that the candy bridge mended. That's not how this worked, and it was strange how she seemed to be afraid of him? With how she constantly went nyoom. Most people who were like that, they were afraid of him. Jei didn't like people afraid of him.

People being afraid of Jei was something he actually hated, when it came down to it. If they hated him, they wouldn't accept his candy. That meant that he couldn't be friends, which made him sad. He hated what made him sad. It was a simple chain of feelings that was consistent throughout anything Jei did. He hated things that made him sad, because he disliked being sad. It was easy enough to nap to avoid being sad, that was an art he had mastered. He also napped when bored.

He napped a lot, and he would assume that's why the small girl napped. Because she was tired and didn't want to be sad. He could respect that. Sleeping because you're bored was something he often did, and thus is someone else did it, it was a completely normal thing.

Once she finished her last sentence, as she shoved her hands in her pockets, he spoke his first complete sentence.

"I respect you already."

With this, Jei would fall to the right, laying on the ground. He had ate candy throughout the class, so he had no real reason to eat lunch. Plus, it wasn't candy for lunch, and that was the problem. He liked his candy more than he liked other foods, so that meant he didn't eat what there was. This, on top of the rest, meant that he was bored.

He did what any reasonable boy would do, retract his legs from accross the hallway, and lay down against the wall. It wasn't like this was new to anyone, as he often did this when it was lunch time. He put his arm, then his head, onto the floor so that he could nap.

Napping was the best thing to do always. If he could nap, that meant he was in a good place, and good places made him happy. There were some important notable thoughts going through Jei's head, all about the small girl that had made the face towards him and walked off. She seemed to like his candy, so did that mean she didn't hate him? Maybe that was the case. If that was the case, it would make Jei immensely happy, as that meant that he could possibliy have her as a friend in the future.

That would be good. If they were friends, she could nyoom everywhere and get them candy, and Jei could carry the candy home and then eat the candy. It was all so wonderful. Enough to get Jei to have a smile on his face. That wasn't something that often happened when he wasn't eating candy, and it just so happened that he wasn't eating candy at that time. He was fading into sleep, but there were two other very important thoughts going through the boys head.

The second thought was how she thought she'd beat him up. He didn't believe so, for she was small and throwable. That meant, quite simply, that she'd have a much harder time beating him up since she had to get close. He could throw people who got close. That was the simple logic of it all. Sure, it worked a bit different in practice. Sure, he wasn't quite as effective in combat as he was in his head. He had only gotten this far because the only people stupid enough to challenge him and lose were those who thought they outmuscled him, which was never true if they were actually a student.

If they weren't, they often outmuscled him somehow. Even then, he often considered them amazing if they could outmuscle him for he was the strongest. He was born the strongest, and he had to train to use his body. That's how he looked at it. That's how some might look at it. Realistically, while he had the muscle, his current body was extremely inefficent for combat.

His limbs, while long and useful for combat, had the grace of trees. As such, they barely moved if they did, and when they did it was an amazing feat. Walking didn't count though. Walking was something everyone did.

He bet the small girl would nyoom walk.

With those thoughts, he'd fall asleep for the lunch period.